The love song of R. Nandani

I read Eliot

and was inspired to find a perfect balance in my life

that won't make me balanced and won't make me appropriate.

The only thing that it will make me

will be enough to digress from the path of societal norms and burdening expectations.

I have chipped nail paints on my nails,

the remnants of my past indulgences

in self love practices that made me feel like doing a task than love my own self with my very heart.

I wear fitness watch to measure the beats of my heart

even when

my ears can testify those pitter-patter.

I don't believe them; the natural hearing devices

that impale words within my tired mind.

So I resort to these technical devices which many find untrustworthy.

It's fun; to doubt your own existence and to solve that mystery day by day.

The only regret are my tears

that might fail me when I need them the most.

Smile comes easy, can be faked and used as per convenience,

it's the grieving device that rejects my emotions as invalid display of sentimental reasons.

They scare me because I cannot tame them; make them obey my mind and believe in my own thoughts.

So I resort to smiles,

smiles and scowls to answer the unasked and to display the masked.

My song is the silent whisperings of dark and deafening stillness of words.

The lost emotions of dried eye hearts.

I write because I cannot speak, I forget because remembering hurts,

and oblivion may scare you but to me it sounds like my posterity wort.

Raj Nandani//

Ups and downs